His Comments

Her Comments

Earlier this week, my wife told me she had the perfect topic for this week’s devotional and knew the verse we should use. I was OK with her choosing and I could guess what it would be about – arguments! She and I had an argument the previous evening and I learned early in our relationship that she prefers to work things out before going to bed. Her enthusiasm about the topic and scripture that next day led me to guess correctly!

Ephesians tells us to not sin while in anger, and don’t let the sun go down else it may give the devil opportunity to meddle. As a non-believer, I assumed all anger was sinful. Early in my belief, I didn’t have a good grasp on this topic. There are examples in the Bible that portray righteous anger. An example of this is when Jesus went into the temple in Matthew 21:12 and overturned the tables. That anger was directed at a sinful behavior they were doing. Paul helps teach us to be careful with our anger. We aren’t to sin due to our anger. We are to take a step back and “check our attitude”, humble ourselves and not be prideful, etc.

There is a term I didn’t know until I met Tonya, and that term is “Hangry.” A combination of hungry and angry, meaning the anger that comes from being hungry. The term “hangry” makes me think of sinful anger. Anger that comes about through a lack of impulse control and not from a Christ honoring motive. Sticking with Paul, let’s jump to Romans 12:20-21. He tells us that if thine enemy hunger, feed him. If he thirsts, give him drink. Verse 21 wraps it up nicely, telling us not to be overcome with evil, but overcome evil with good.

I’m not calling Tonya my enemy, relax Babe 🙂 It’s good to think about anger while we are not angry. It’s important to seek out the truth (scripture / God’s Word) of how to handle anger before we are angry. Give the devil no opportunities to throw kindling on the fire, per se. It’s best to put out a fire when it’s small and not after it has engulfed the whole camp. Galatians 5:16 tells us to walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.

This flesh wants us to bite back. This flesh wants us to win at all costs. Both of those things are not OK in marriage, as well as everyday life. We are called to love our wife as Christ loved the church. Biting back out of wrathful anger is not loving. Winning against your wife at the cost of being unloving to her is not without blemish. Ephesians goes on to tell us that men are to love their wives as their own bodies, for he that loveth his wife loveth himself. God tells that a husband and wife shall become one flesh. Don’t give the devil any room to add blemish to what God has blessed, your marriage.

News flash: Robert and I are imperfect people! I Know, Right?! We falter, we get angry, and we have disagreements. That is how the devil works, he manipulates us to hold onto anger. We must work on our snap emotions with others, each other, and sometimes ourselves. Robert and I go through seasons where one has to be more mindful and gracious with the other.

While we were dating, the two of us rarely argued. After we were married, I remember one time being so angry that I walked about 20 laps around the block while talking to him on the phone because he never let me know when he left work and his food was always cold. 🙂 Our first fight happened when we were planning our wedding and I said okay to a medieval style wedding because it sounded fun and whimsical. Robert understood this to be a “wear any sort of costume” and he wanted to let everyone dress up as superheroes and ninja warriors. (MEN!) This is often what our issues end up being about. (He’s usually the cause because he is being extra, hahaha.)

Sometimes we do argue about the big things, such as money, family, etc. Although, I think what causes most of arguments in a marriage is outside baggage being brought into the relationship. I read somewhere that how we interact in the first minute of getting home will determine how the rest of the night will go between couples. After I heard this, I observed Robert’s and my interactions, and it held true. Since then, I have been trying to come home happy or joke no matter the baggage from that day’s work. Just like my friend Mary says, “Home is supposed to be your safe place to land” and I want my house to be a happy home.

Growing up, and before Robert and I started reading scripture regularly, I didn’t know the Bible had so much advice on relationships. The scripture for this week’s devotional from Ephesians is among many that helps people relate to and deal with friends. This includes husband and wife, as we should be the closest of friends. There are many verses that speak specifically on how spouses should react to each other. Some speak on preventative interactions as well as how to respect one another. I now try to keep this in mind when Robert and I have an argument.

Occasionally I get very, very mad and stop talking, which Robert has realized indicates he’s in the “doghouse.” (Men, take note … if a woman stops talking, you are in BIG trouble! Hahaha!) I don’t like to leave issues unresolved, so to quit talking is not ideal. My husband, however, likes to detach and come back once he has a level head. This means for an hour or two, I’m ruminating. We have learned over time that each of us have a different method of working through an issue. Keeping this in mind allows us to have better discussions for work things out. Proverbs 15:1 tells us that a soft answer turns away wrath, but grievous words stir up anger. I don’t naturally do this, so Robert and I try to keep this Proverb in mind as we talk to one another. This has allowed us to ease each other’s mood when angry, upset, annoyed, etc. He often asks “So, how can I make it better babe?” and then I’ll “teacher” him about what I need to resolve the issue.

It is important to keep in mind that people are not mind readers. There have been times when Robert will have something in mind, but without using his words, I don’t know what that thing is. As an example, he’ll tell me to get cold medicine. When I get home, he’ll ask “where are the cough drops?” He will be annoyed because cough drops are always purchased with cold medicine, in his mind. I still need to remind him I’m not a mind reader and to use his words! Haha. He will tell me to stop “teachering” him 🙂 In the end, we discuss what we will do differently the next time. (This often involves Robert saying he’ll try to express himself better … “try” being key here, hahaha)

One thing is for certain, we will argue again. We will talk it out. We will apologize. This is a cycle that will continue as we try to live a God loving life. I pray that we will always be able to work on our issues and stay happy and humble in our marriage. Marriage is hard work, but it is worth it in the end. Love you, Babycakes 🙂

God Bless.